This is the sign I have posted on my office door when it is time for my lactation breaks. Oh the joys of pumping at work but that is another blog for another day.
If work were any fun we would have to pay them and stand in line. Since I seem to be at a loss for things to write about I will just fall back on the old standby… a top 10 list.
Top 10 things I could use right now in my first week back to work.
1. Sleep – and lots of it. If I am holding the sweet little bundle, Charlie will saw logs for an hour or two at a time, if I attempt to put her in her bassinet or swing though I am certain to wake the little beast. Sleeping sitting up with a small child on your chest leads to 2 things: very little quality sleep and a royal pain in my arse (that would be a literal pain in my arse)
2. A well deserved pint of Guinness – On Friday night to celebrate if and when I complete this first week back to work with out committing any violent crimes.
3. Milkscreen - Ok so when I saw a similar product at the local Baby Super Store, I was all sorts of critical. I mean what kind of lush needs to test her breast milk for alcohol content anyways? This kind of lush that’s who. Pumping & dumping is all well and good but how long after your last drink do you have to do it, how many times, will I inadvertently get the baby drunk? AARRGGHHH!
So, I am keen to buy some of these bad boys so that I can thoroughly enjoy my well deserved pint of Guinness (or 3) on Friday.
4. A Massage – Well a girl could always use one of these but this week after sleeping upright with a babe in my arms every night and what with all the stress associated with a new schedule for me and my boobies well, I could use one now more than ever.
5. A Breast Lift – After the first year of nursing of course but sheesh I never knew they could be so squishy. I am seriously going to need a little nip tuck on the girls once Charlie is through with me. For now I would settle for a decent nursing bra that does not accentuate the hangy-downiness of the girls. Let me tell you it is waaay attractive, I mean me & the girls… we are HAWT!
6. A Streaming Video Monitor thingie – I do not know if one exists but what I really need is a baby monitor/Nanny Cam that will send me streaming video of what is happening at our house. I miss the babe. I wanna see what she is up to. I wanna hear the gurgles and see the new smiles and goofy tongue faces while I am at work. While you are at it, make sure it has smell-o-vision or something cause I miss the sweet baby smell too. Who am I kidding? I would get no work done if I had one.
7. A Regular Dose of Prozac – Those who know me, may know that I am horribly bad about taking daily medication. I have little to no discipline. So yet again, I have been forgetting to take my Prozac regularly for some time now (and yes, I am aware this defeats the whole purpose). I am thinking now that I am back at work, I will have a regular routine and will therefore do better with it.
Note to self: You cannot afford to not take your psych meds.
8. 10 Arms – Like the Goddess Kali or something. Truth is I need to be able to multi task now more than ever. Mogo is adjusting but I know she is bummed that the baby has so very many needs and Charlie comes first a lot these days. The Old Man has been fabulous at picking up my slack but she doesn’t want him to do anything for her she wants her Mommy. Can’t say as I blame her, I often what exactly what is not available or convenient for others.
Needless to say it would be nice to be able to cuddle up my big 6 year old with one set of hands while nursing or changing the baby with the other, all while cooking dinner on a hot stove or maybe going to the bathroom by myself. Preferably, I would like to do all of this without anyone crying or yelling at me.
9. A 10 lb. Box of Money that Does Not Rattle – This particular item always seems to come up on these lists of mine. We are broke as usual but we are particularly broke these days. Old Man has a new job… his official title is “House Honey”. We decided rather than have him work to pay for daycare; he could just be the daycare. It will be worth it but it will require some serious belt tightening. I am just glad that I know the person taking care of our kiddos is someone who loves the girls as much as I do.
10. My Sense of Humor – I used to have one. Now I am just as grumpy as the Old Man. I forgot about all the sleeplessness that comes with a newborn. I forgot how gnarly it was between the Old Man and me when Mogo was born what with our lack of a funny bone and all. In fact, I think we forgot about a bunch of stuff that comes with a new baby. A sense of humor would really help right now. Hey, maybe I would find one if I were taking my Prozac regularly. You think?
