She’s too young for this shit… November 28, 2007

So I was taking Mogo to school this morning and she was oh so excited to start her day. As she was jumping out of the car, she caught herself telling me just that and freaked out for a minute. She made me swear to secrecy that she ever mentioned her excitement over going to school. I did a bit of a double take and asked why on earth she would be worried about that. She replied that it just was not cool to like going to school and she did not want anyone to know that she liked it. What the Hell? Mogo is in Kindergarten. Isn’t this a little early to be dealing with that? I mean until at least 4^th grade school is supposed to be fun – right? Kids are supposed to dig it, right? I didn’t think that would happen until middle school!   

So I promised Mogo that it could be our little secret as long as she promised me she would continue to like going to school whether it is cool or not. She agreed and the conversation ended. Is it me? Do you all think Kindergarten is too soon to be worried about that?

A little background into my psyche with regards to education… I loved school. Granted I loved it mostly for the social interaction and I was never particularly good about homework and whatnot but until the 4^th grade I was excited to go. I wanted to learn and I wanted to be smart. Somewhere in there I decided that it was not “cool” to like going to school or to get good grades. I thought that in order for people to like you, you had to be dumber than they were. If you were a girl, you should be stupid and cute. Boys would only like you if you made them feel superior. I worked hard to make my peers think I was an airhead.

It was only after attending an all girl’s high school where the airhead routine was not appreciated that I saw another side of that coin. Here was a school where there was positive peer pressure and academic competition. All of a sudden it was not so cool to be an airhead who smoked and chased boys. I only started to get it then. I didn’t actually get it though. Since I didn’t fit in there, I decided it was them, it was those girls with the 4.0 GPA – those girls who joined the Speech & Debate Club who were un-cool and that I would be happier if I went to school with folks I related with – you know the dumb girls who did not think academics were important. At the all girls school, I was just an airhead and at the new public high school, I was well liked and had lots of friends and a packed social calendar – I was still failing the majority of my classes but I had lots of people I called friends. Well worth it, right? NOT.

So, I did not go to college after High School. I did not even take the SATs. I played house with a drug addict instead. I was a complete train wreck. It took well into my first marriage to decide that it was ok to be smart, clever, and outspoken. I had to work really hard to change my mannerisms from dumb blonde to interesting woman – from mousy and subservient to independent and self assured. On my worst days, I still wonder if what I think is confidant and outspoken it really just bitchy – if I am kidding myself and really I am still just that stupid little blonde girl.

I would give my left tit (and my right one for that matter) for Mogo to never even consider any of those things. I wish I knew how to prevent my kind of train wreck for her. She is too smart for that – to interesting – too creative to let the “dumb girls” change her mind about who she should be and what she should get excited about..

Things are a-o-k November 19, 2007

So, I was sitting on the floor with Mogo on Saturday and we were playing with Lincoln Logs. I have never in my life played with Lincoln Logs. My brother had some if I recall but I believe they were off limits to the pesky little sister. Anyhoo, Mogo and I made a Lincoln Log and Little People neighborhood and we had a blast. We would build houses and knocked them over; first on accident and then just cause it was so darned fun. Then we would laugh and laugh. Great big belly laughs that hurt your side a little. We put her little people furniture in the houses and made little families with all the Little People and sheesh my girl has the most vivid imagination. All the Little People had a back story and they were all family living on the same street. There were little people squabbles and issues about who’s turn it was to make dinner. There was a plot line and funny voices, there were horses doing their horsie things and dogs doing their doggie things. I lost myself in her world. For a minute or 20, I was 5 too.

I don’t remember the last time I got down on the floor with her and just hung out playing pretend with my girl. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the grown up BS and forget that there is this really cool little girl to play with. I take so much for granted sometimes.
I love being 5.

Mogo in Captivity October 30, 2007

The fires are still burning but much farther away now and containment is in sight for those fighting the flames. They say they expect it to be fully contained by November 5^th. Now, there seems to be a greater sense of calm in San Diego. Folks are back in their homes and school is back in session because the air quality is much better. There is still the faint stench of burning wood especially in the areas hit hardest by the fires. Ash still blankets the streets, and cars of areas not even touched by the flames. We are so fortunate and we are grateful that we were in one of those safe areas, that all in our family are safe, and their homes are all in tact. Our thoughts and prayers go out to those who are going through so much loss.

They closed the schools in San Diego County last week and finally they opened back up today. There were instructions to keep children indoors until the air quality improved. For 3 days we stayed in our little apartment and we watched the coverage and tried desperately to keep Mogo entertained. 3 adults and a 5 year old (Uncle Ricky was staying with us since he had been evacuated) in such a tiny space. You can only dress and undress the same baby dolls so many times before you are ready to chuck them across the room at one of the other adults. Coloring lost its appeal after the first hour and we were unable to revisit that activity the rest of the week. I could not bear to break out the paints when our apartment has brand new carpet with not a stain to speak of… yet. The remainder of the week she spent with her Papa who is old and not very adventurous. He tends to fall asleep on her but he spoils her rotten and I am sure he let her play computer games the entire time. She loves Noggin.com. To Papa there is no such thing as too much computer time and there is no such thing as too many cookies either so I am told by Mogo. I am sure she was in heaven. However, this little Virgo of mine does best when she has a bit of routine. She needs rules and structure to her day. Without it, she seems lost and a little manic (that is a nice way to say she bounces off the freakin walls). Being cooped up in the house for 7 days has meant too much TV and computer time and not enough sunshine and exercise.

Thank you to my Uncle Jerry and his Wife for buying Mogo one of these for Christmas last year.

This Barrel-O-Fun is complete with 50 different colors of the messy dough and a multitude of accessories. I considered it the equivalent to buying her a drum set or worse a beading kit but now, I take back all the nasty things I said about him because Play-Doh has been our life line.

I hate the idea of Play-Doh with a passion usually reserved for Bush/Cheney bumper stickers. What with the little specks of it in every color that end up in each nook and cranny of the apartment. I also have Play-Doh rules. It drives me bat shit when the colors mix. It always has even when I was little. Mogo certainly doesn’t care if the purple mixes with the green but it un-nerves me to no end. This huge ball of anxiety creeps in to the pit of my stomach when she plays with more than one color at a time. I also require the use of a big plastic table cloth and I am forever trying to keep the Play-Doh mess contained to the table top. I am not what you would call a neat freak so I have no idea what my deal is with the Play-Doh centric OCD. Mogo tolerates my freakiness and rolls her eyes as I get on my hands and knees under her collecting the little balls of dough. I must say though that it really was the only thing that occupied her for over an hour at a time during this fire debacle. Mogo was a Play-Doh playing fool. She pretended she was a chef making play dough concoctions for us to try and to buy. She was a little capitalist, selling her play dough confections to us for $10.00 each. Sheesh – I am broke in real life & pretend.

Anyways, we escaped our captivity unscathed and now we are back to the same old grind and I am relieved. I can’t wait to hear about her first day back. She has missed her friends and playing on the playground so much and if I never see another can of Play-Doh again it will be too soon.

10/15/07 – Infectious Smiles October 16, 2007

Since the onset of Kindergarten, mornings have been pretty rough at our house. Mornings have never been a picnic but our little blond alarm clock would wake up on her own and start her day without too much fuss whereas the grown ups are all fairly grumpy in the morning. Old Man & I barely say a word to each other as we pass each other on the way to the bathroom. We grunt the answers to questions that pertain to the coming day. We avoid conversation as much as possible until the girl is at school and we are on our way down the freeway. Then it is safe to engage in conversation beyond “Did you pack her lunch?” and “Do you have any cash?” It is just better that way for everyone involved.  

Our Mogo on the other hand, has always been a morning person. She was the kind that wakes up at 6:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning and announces “It’s time to watch kid shows.” She would awaken, singing some sweet tune in the bathroom and helping herself to yogurt while she waits for you to get the hell out of bed; all that has changed since Kindergarten. Now, it is “Mom just 5 more minutes to sleep.” and “NO – I don’t care that it is raining, I want to wear shorts and a tank top” and “NO – I DOOOO IT!” It seemed we had lost our morning sunshine. She has been waking up just as grumpy as the rest of us only she isn’t just grumpy but downright nasty to be around. She is a temper tantrum waiting to happen.

It seems that as our little Miss gets used to mornings at a new place and a new school, the cloud is beginning to lift. Mogo woke up this morning fresh and sweet and ready to start her day. She woke up, sat on my lap like a monkey and gave me the world’s sweetest cuddle – the likes of which I have not had since she decided she was 5 and too big for such things. She fit there in my lap like a glove and she was toasty warm from being under her covers, her hair all mussed and soft, smelling of blueberry shampoo. It was heaven. After that bit of sweetness, she got her clothes on with no fussing, and ate breakfast. She took her vitamin and brushed her teeth and did all the things she is responsible for in the mornings. This morning though? She did it with a smile on her face. I love it when my day can start that way.

Her smile is infectious and I caught it.

Mom Angst… September 7, 2007

 

10 Things I have serious angst about with regard to Mogo & school/day care. Disclaimer: Yes, I know most of this is irrational no need to point it out.

1. Day care… nuff said
   
2. Actually, let me elaborate on the day care theme. Since birth Mogo has been with me, Grandma, Papa, or my Old Man while I was at work or some variation thereof. We are blessed that we have family that was willing and able to do that. I never had to put Mogo in day care for 9+ hours while I was working, she was always with someone who loved her as much as I do. Preschool was the only exception but that was only 3 days a week for 4 hours or so and they seemed to love her an awful lot. I am well aware that this is not the norm and that there are many working parents who have to deal with daycare from day one and let me tell you, I do not envy that. (Go easy internets, I know the SAHM vs. Daycare bandwagoneers have very strong opinions on this, I am not interested in debating that.)
3. Is it wrong that I want Mogo to wear jeans and a t-shirt to school rather than the pretty dresses (with matching ribbons and dress shoes) that she loves oh so much just so she won’t stick out like a sore thumb? I have this fear that she will be considered a “priss” and that the other rag-a-muffin kids that she goes to school with will set her apart (or worse). Are Kindergarteners as mean now as they were when I was a kid? My Mogo is very girly, she is not prissy but she does love her some frills.
4. Do the other kids really have to draw on my daughter? Washable or no, I cannot stand that some other child is using my daughter as her canvas or that Mogo is a willing participant. I guess I have to pick my battles on this one because I seem to recall I loved to do artwork on the back of my hands and pretend they were tattoos as well. As a Mom, not so much. Also, she gets marker on those previously mentioned pretty dresses which makes her cry.
5. Is it unreasonable to not want my 4 (almost 5) year old wearing lipstick? No lipstick until she is 16 damn it! Do I have any control here? Why oh why are these little girls in full face make up at 9 years old anyways? Sheesh.
6. Could we please try to have some healthful food for breakfast/snack/lunch at the day care? Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls for breakfast (when she already has had breakfast at home) are not exactly what I would consider the Breakfast of Champions. Do I really have to be a bad guy and tell Mogo she is not allowed while all the others are macking down their frosted goodness for breakfast? Same for the pizza on half days, same for the ice cream they are giving her for afternoon snack. Am I the only parent who thinks that this is too much junk food?
   Has anyone seen her Mother? Don’t they know they are dooming her to a childhood of fat girl jokes? (Ok, ok – we are talking about Mogo now, not me, I get it.)
7. Can we talk about the unseen dangers and influences lurking around every corner waiting to turn my sweet little kindergarten girl into a foul mouthed hooligan?
8. My Mogo has uttered the words “Damn it” more in the last week than she has in her life. (Notice how I never said she had not heard/uttered that word before) Something tells me that the little tykes are trying to out cuss each other on the school grounds for shock value. I thought I had a few more years before that happened.
9. WTF is “Chicka-Chicka Boom Boom?” Mogo has been talking about this all week and I cannot figure it out.
   
10. My baby is growing up without me and I wanna tie her up and stick her on a shelf in my closet. I feel like I am throwing her to the wolves.

Kindergarten Update September 6, 2007

Sorry it took me so long to post. The globe has been turning ever so quickly in my section of the world and I have had a hard time keeping up.

In case you were wondering, Kindergarten is wonderful! Mogo loves it. Here is the gist of her 1^st day…

We got there on time and found her class. Mogo had the option of sitting with her folks at the Kindergarten sized tables (Oi vey, my butt is way too big for Kindergarten chairs) or sitting on the rug and she chose the rug! She looked back occasionally to make sure we were still there but she was intently listening as her new teacher filled us parents in on the rules (she being a stickler for rules wanted to have them memorized so she can point it out when we brake them later) When it was time to go she did not flinch – she gave us big hugs and told us she would see us later. That was it. She went on to her after school program and played and we picked her up after work. She was all smiles and full of stories about her day.  

The PTA hosted a “Boo Hoo” breakfast for the parental units after dropping off the kiddos but we decided to skip that and head to the local Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf instead. There we partook in our own version of “Oh my God our Baby is growing up – when did she get so big yada yada yada” but still there were no tears (from either of us).

Kindergarten September 3, 2007

Starts tomorrow… EEEKKK! I am so excited for her.  I don’t think I will be able to sleep. It is 100 deg. in my apartment right now that will not help the sleeping, I am sure (Curses to you Summer – I am done with you.) So this Saturday & today, I sewed little girl clothes and I must say, I feel like a “real Mom” whatever that is.

Whatever – my inner asshole tells me that I will never measure up to what a Mom is supposed to be but today I really felt like I was doing a pretty good job.

More later…