Down Came the Rain March 29, 2007

You really must forgive me but I have been re-hashing all sorts of inner drama lately. I have no boundaries and I am a firm believer in TMI so here I am giving it to you.

I got a wild hair up my arse and purchased a sack full of books at our Church Used Book Store. Let me just tell you Unitarians have the best taste in reading material. Selections range from Kipling to the most recent Oprah pick. It is even better than the library because there is no time limit to how long you can keep them, they are only a dollar, and I can give them right back to be sold again! (Sorry I got a little carried away – I love buying books as much as shoes)

So, I grabbed a copy of Brook Shield’s book “Down Came the Rain” along with 4 other titles. I have surgery coming up and I figured I ought to stock pile the reading material since I will be out of work for 4-6 weeks. This freakin book has completely taken me back to a place I had hoped not to re-live. I have been in a bit of a funk actually since I started it. I started it on Monday night and had it finished by Tuesday night. I am still sort of reeling that I identified with it so much. I am glad I read it. Not because it was some stroke of literary genius but because this woman with huge eyebrows was able to put into words exactly what I dealt with post partum with my daughter. It was as if I had Brooke Shields lurking in the deepest recesses of my brain (Ok that is sort of scary). It was kind of freaky actually. I was having ah-ha moments at the turn of every page. I found myself reading excerpts to my Badger in an attempt to get him to finally understand something I could never quite explain to him fully. The dynamic she talked about with her Husband was also very similar. I too had this feeling that somewhere in all that Post Partum Depression I had lost some of my Husbands respect and or trust. I still wonder if it will ever truly return or if every time I burst into tears he will think I am starting to loose it again.

My Daughter is 4 years old now and I STILL wonder if my reactions to some things are because of the PPD or simply because I am a Mom. To hear another woman describe so intimately the thoughts and craziness that I experienced was so very strange and so very necessary. See, no one really talks about PPD; just like no one really talks about miscarriage. It was not until my first miscarriage that I even considered just how complex the recipe is to make a baby. I certainly never expected after 2 losses, to give birth to a beautiful little girl and then feel so unconnected to her. During that time, I never expected to ever feel connected to her let alone be as crazy about her as I am now. Our hormones play some demented games with us. As women we really have to get to a place where these topics are no longer taboo. Miscarriage and PPD are private and can be very scary. Maybe if we all were a little less private about it, it would not seem so scary. I was comforted to hear those words from my head written like that on a page.

Sassy Pants March 27, 2007

I love my Daughter. Towards other adults she is polite and sweet (well, most of the time). She is thoughtful and giving. What I do not love is the endless supply of sass. I should tell you that this is sort of my fault. I think it is important to question authority. I encourage Mogo to have an opinion on most things. I actually dig a little sass. I think it is great that she is sarcastic, and I love that she is a total smart ass. She is funny and has this wonderful comedic timing (that she did not inherit from me). She makes up awesome stories and regularly surprises me with her vocabulary. She asks questions about topics that are not at all age appropriate for a four year old (like religion and life after death and love) she even seems to grasp the answers. If she doesn’t, she keeps asking until she gets an answer she can do business with. I love all of those things. I am even tastelessly proud of her when she utters some cuss word in the right context. I do not laugh or high five her when she does these things I am just well, sort of satisfied with myself that I created this human being that is so very sassy.

The thing I do not love is when she rolls her eyes and giving me the exasperated look that says… “Mom, you are so stupid” She is four damn it. She is not supposed to think I am stupid yet. I am supposed to get another 8-10 years before I have to be stupid. I think I have created a monster.

Movies March 27, 2007

1. Name a movie that you have seen more than 10 times.

Willy Wonka (the original), Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, Witches of Eastwick, Rocky Horror, and Almost every animated Disney film made – way too many to go on.

2. Name a movie that you’ve seen multiple times in the theater.

You know, I don’t really do that. I’ll say Star Wars though because I saw most of them when I was little and then again when they were re-released.

3. Name an actor that would make you more inclined to see a movie.

Meryl Streep, Shirley MacLaine, Christina Ricci, Jack Nicholson, Julia Roberts, Drew Barrymore, John Travolta, Samuel Jackson, Morgan Freidman, Susan Sarandon (not in any particular order). There are a lot more that I have not listed.

4. Name an actor that would make you less likely to see a movie.

Jackie Chan (I just know what sort of movie I am in for if he is in it), Paris Hilton (is she even considered an actress?), The Olson Twins.

5. Name a movie that you can and do quote from.

Princess Bride “Have fun storming the castle!” Breakfast Club “…Such obscene finger gestures from such a pristine girl” and of course Space Balls & Airplane are also honorable mentions.

6. Name a movie musical that you know all of the lyrics to all of the songs.

Annie

7. Name a movie that you have been known to sing along with.

Rocky Horror Picture Show or any number of Disney movies.

8. Name a movie that you would recommend everyone see.

Harry Potter (all of them), Pay it forward, The 6^th Sense, Shawshank Redemption, Pulp Fiction… Sheesh there are a ton.

9. Name a movie that you own.

We own a bazillion – most of which we don’t even watch we just keep them because we might happen to watch one of them “someday.”

10. Name an actor that launched his/her entertainment career in another medium but who has surprised you with his/her acting chops.

Jim Carrey was actually pretty phenomenal in Truman and .Man on the Moon. Harrison Ford started out as a carpenter building sets – does that count?

11. Have you ever seen a movie in a drive-in? If so, what?

I am sure I did when I was little with my folks but I cannot for the life of me remember what we saw.

12. Ever made out in a movie?

Actually… never have.

13. Name a movie that you keep meaning to see but just haven’t yet gotten around to it.

Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrels (I have attempted to watch this movie 10 times at least and I always fall asleep in the first 10 minutes without fail)

14. Ever walked out of a movie?

Dumb & Dumber that was a stupid ass movie.

15. Name a movie that made you cry in the theater.

There are way too many to list. I am a crier what can I say?

16. Popcorn?

Yes, of course – lot’s of butter please & some Red Vines too.

17. How often do you go to the movies (as opposed to renting them or watching them at home)?

Once a month perhaps? Not quite that often, I am afraid. We don’t really rent movies as much as borrow them from Phoebe.

18. What’s the last movie you saw in the theater?

Bridge to Terabithia – VV Good Movie.

19. What’s your favorite/preferred genre of movie?

I love a good movie whether it is Sappy, Artsy, Funny, or Black Humor. I can’t stand slap stick or kung fu movies and Westerns kind of bug me.

20. What’s the first movie you remember seeing in the theater?

Annie – I think. I am sure I saw movies before that but I could not tell you what they were.

21. What movie do you wish you had never seen?

Baseketball and The Forbidden Zone – Those movies are just plain WRONG.

 22. What is the weirdest movie you enjoyed?

I don’t really know about weird… Rocky Horror is pretty weird.

23. What is the scariest movie you’ve seen?

Movies don’t freak me out as much anymore. If it is freaky it is probably something a little too close to the realm of possibility. The Exorcist still sort of gives me the Heebie-jeebies.

24. What is the funniest movie you’ve seen?

I am not sure I could pick just one.

Hello world! March 26, 2007

Glad to be here… Moving over from MySpace. I am 30 (ish) years old. I am married to my Old Badger and have a 4.5 year old kidlet named “Mogo.” I am and Admin for a company that shall go unnamed and I have struggled with multiple pregnancy losses and depression for the last 10 years. I love to blog because I enjoy the feedback. I like having friends who live inside my computer. In someways they are more real than the ones I have in the real world.